excerpts

An Excerpt: This Huge Space Inside Me

(Glossary note: Iosa is the Irish word for Jesus)

“What am I looking for?” I whispered.

Tyra pulled her blanket up to her chin and stared up at the thatched roof above us.

“Sometimes I feel like there’s this huge space inside me, wider and emptier than a starless night. Nothin’ I do can fill it up. Nothin’ but God, nothing but the grace He has given us through Iosa. That may not be what you’re looking for, but it’s what we all need, Sigrid. If it weren’t for God bursting inside of me, I wouldn’t be able to stand Ragnar. I’d run. He’d catch me and whip me. I’d run again. But with God, I’ve learned to have compassion on Ragnar. I’ve learned to fill up this void with Iosa’s love and His… strength.”

Tyra gave a gentle, rippling laugh. “God is good, Siri. He is so, so good. He gives me strength. He gave me the strength to tell Ragnar about Him. Ragnar hasn’t changed, but I have. And I pray someday he will change—and ye will, too.”

I said nothing.

“Good night, Siri. I love ye. Iosa loves ye.”

I closed my eyes, moving my tongue around my mouth. But I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t tell her she was wrong about her god, about everything. She had felt something, but it was only a feeling; she had thought something, but it was only a thought. Her perspective on life was radically different than mine. Iosa didn’t love me. Iosa didn’t even know me! Tyra’s experience with Ragnar was awful, so she had to deal with it the only way she knew how.

Yet… my heart was touched by her love and her strength. It couldn’t have come from her god, but it was beautiful. It was a pity her beautiful soul was wasted pouring into the life of that wretched man. Would she ever realize her efforts to love him could never thaw his icy heart?

Writing Samples

What Life is All About

This summer I will be attending a discipleship program for 10 weeks. Prayers are very much appreciated! ❤ It’s amazing how living life and growing in my faith and meeting people and getting to know them can affect and improve my writing, helping me write honestly and from my heart, since my heart is expanding into more meaningful territory. Though I may not have much time for working on my novel, I know this experience will be life-changing. And I know I will have time to slow down and ponder what life is really all about. 

As much as life seems like it’s all about the going and moving and chasing and running round and round here and there getting success and getting a family and getting a house and getting getting getting — as much as it seems like that… I think it’s more about the slowing down. The stopping. The stillness of a summer evening when the sun is slightly down and the stars are slightly out and you finally get the freedom to ponder. To rest. What really matters gently settles in your heart and peace befriends you in the coolness of the day that is coming to an end. The busyness kept it away for so long. You wish you could always be like this. Accepted. Your life of running didn’t fill you up. It left you empty.

What’s the point? Just being here is all that matters. So much for the trying. The trying and trying. You could never be enough to fill you up. As soon as you get big you deflate like a balloon who really tried its best, but the one needle-sized hole threw you off again. You need something inside you to stay the same. Unchanging, consistent – if you could just be that, you could at least understand yourself again. Whoever you are.

Because life isn’t about the rushing and rushing to inflate yourself only to soon get deflated again. It’s not about turning yourself into someone you like only to hate yourself the next day. It’s not about that.

It’s about the slowing down. The stopping. The understanding and taking it in. The breathing in the cool evening air and looking up at the beginnings of the little stars that decorate the galaxy in meekness and power. What wonders they are. Echoing the beauty of a King who sits on His throne in splendor, ruling in meekness and power.

Unchanging, consistent — He’s what’s inside you, filling you up. That’s what life is all about. Filling you up with the staggering wonder of your Ruler and Savior, until you have no room to worship your every whim and desire. Until the reality of the highest Power towers over you, and at the same time draws near you and woos you gently, swaying to a new song, speaking tenderly to you as the sun melts into the west and the stars glitter the night in deeper grandeur and purer joy.

excerpts

An Excerpt: Mum’s Weaving

white black and red textile
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

I watched her hands move skillfully, weaving the yarn through the taught threads. The monotony and delicate work reminded me of my mother. Dear Mum seemed to have Frigg, the goddess of motherhood, always at her side. When I was very young and I watched her weave, she’d simultaneously weave tales of how Frigg bestowed the gift of special yarn to mortal women whom she favored.

Frigg must have favored Mum. Her yarn looked no different from the rest, but whenever I held a blanket she’d woven I’d feel—oh, I’d feel things I couldn’t describe. Beautiful things that filled up and overflowed the wide, gaping emptiness inside me, just for a moment. Just for a moment I would feel alive.